I have not taken a photo in two weeks…

I don’t know how I feel about that.

I haven’t taken a photo because I haven’t seen any. That might sound a little crazy but if you’re a photographer I think you understand. When you really are in a groove you see life in f-stops and focal lengths. You walk down the street framing things at 50mm f/16. Colours and contrasts seem to jump out at you, forms and shapes, curves and edges, lines and forms…

Part of my problem is that my photography hasn’t ever been about a creative process. It’s been about people and events and places and documenting them. I mean I know I walk around talking about how everyone has a story to tell, but I right now I feel like I don’t have much of a story.

This is not to say that life isn’t incredible for me right now. Grad school might be the greatest thing that has happened to me, ever. The people I’ve been meeting, the doors it has opened, the things it’s making me think about.

But I can’t shake this feeling that something is building inside me. That there is a great idea laying just beneath the surface and I haven’t been able to give it form yet. It keeps peaking it’s head out here and there, in conversations, in blog posts, in tweets. But it’s not there yet…

I think part of it is that I want to do something excellent. Something remarkable. Now, to be fair I’m sure there is at least a part of me that wants that for the personal accolades. I’ve received some amazing unsolicited complements from friends recently and I think I’ve been letting them go to my head a little bit, but I think it is part of a process too.

You see, I’ve become increasingly convinced recently that in order to do something amazing, something really great, you have to be a little bit arrogant. I don’t mean that in a bad, self-centered kind of way though. I mean it in the sense that you have to believe so strongly that what you are doing is worthy of your effort that when people doubt or ignore you it gives you no pause. There loss. They’re wrong to say my writing isn’t good, or my photos are unremarkable, or my music isn’t beautiful. You have to believe that you have been called to do something so strongly that it becomes the singular focus of your life, the driving force that defines who you are. Then when people tell you your dreams are too big it only pushes you forward rather than dragging you down.

If I may be so bold, this is kind of my own personal “I have a dream” speech. My dream is to see people doing what they love, what they are passionate about. I want to see them living their lives with out hesitation, without a care but for call of their heart. Write that novel. Try out for the community theater. Take photos. Travel. Tell stories. Hug a friend. Restore relationships. Seek justice. What.Ever.It.Is.

We spend so much time worried about things that hold us back that we have become incapable of taking risks. Life is like a swimming pool. The point isn’t getting out, it’s being in the water. It’s not about where you end up. It’s about how you get there. Dive in.

Filed under: life, photography by Jonathan