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be excellent…

I have not taken a photo in two weeks…

I don’t know how I feel about that.

I haven’t taken a photo because I haven’t seen any. That might sound a little crazy but if you’re a photographer I think you understand. When you really are in a groove you see life in f-stops and focal lengths. You walk down the street framing things at 50mm f/16. Colours and contrasts seem to jump out at you, forms and shapes, curves and edges, lines and forms…

Part of my problem is that my photography hasn’t ever been about a creative process. It’s been about people and events and places and documenting them. I mean I know I walk around talking about how everyone has a story to tell, but I right now I feel like I don’t have much of a story.

This is not to say that life isn’t incredible for me right now. Grad school might be the greatest thing that has happened to me, ever. The people I’ve been meeting, the doors it has opened, the things it’s making me think about.

But I can’t shake this feeling that something is building inside me. That there is a great idea laying just beneath the surface and I haven’t been able to give it form yet. It keeps peaking it’s head out here and there, in conversations, in blog posts, in tweets. But it’s not there yet…

I think part of it is that I want to do something excellent. Something remarkable. Now, to be fair I’m sure there is at least a part of me that wants that for the personal accolades. I’ve received some amazing unsolicited complements from friends recently and I think I’ve been letting them go to my head a little bit, but I think it is part of a process too.

You see, I’ve become increasingly convinced recently that in order to do something amazing, something really great, you have to be a little bit arrogant. I don’t mean that in a bad, self-centered kind of way though. I mean it in the sense that you have to believe so strongly that what you are doing is worthy of your effort that when people doubt or ignore you it gives you no pause. There loss. They’re wrong to say my writing isn’t good, or my photos are unremarkable, or my music isn’t beautiful. You have to believe that you have been called to do something so strongly that it becomes the singular focus of your life, the driving force that defines who you are. Then when people tell you your dreams are too big it only pushes you forward rather than dragging you down.

If I may be so bold, this is kind of my own personal “I have a dream” speech. My dream is to see people doing what they love, what they are passionate about. I want to see them living their lives with out hesitation, without a care but for call of their heart. Write that novel. Try out for the community theater. Take photos. Travel. Tell stories. Hug a friend. Restore relationships. Seek justice. What.Ever.It.Is.

We spend so much time worried about things that hold us back that we have become incapable of taking risks. Life is like a swimming pool. The point isn’t getting out, it’s being in the water. It’s not about where you end up. It’s about how you get there. Dive in.

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Filed under: life, photography by Jonathan

  • Susan Duncan

    Wow! I have been discussing similar ideas with a friend at work recently. I think it is a state of mind that has been building in my head as well, but I haven’t been able to push through. So much seems to be holding us back, but what is it? Maybe what’s necessary is not so much an arrogance as an untempered confidence in what we are called to do. Defining the “obstacles” may be the first step, so that we can push past them. However, for some, tapping into that thing they’ve suppressed but secretly feel called to do may be the first required action. I like your last point – the point is not where you end up – just dive in! I really needed to hear this. Thanks!

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  • about me

    My name is Jonathan Assink.

    I'm a writer, photographer, baseball nut, foodie & lover of indie bands you've probably never heard of. I wrote a theology of justice for artists & love to talk about the intersection of art, faith & social justice. I am passionate about words & images. I have a heart for the city, for the church (in whatever form it takes) & for artists.

    Though inspired & influenced by many different people and experiences my words here are my own & do not represent the views of any organization I might be involved in.

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