I’m a big cry baby. Really, it’s true. I actually felt myself getting teary eyed during tonights episode of House. I don’t know quite why but when I watch TV shows or movies that deal with slow, inevitable death it always gets me. Even back to the movie Phenomenon with John Travolta I can remember empathizing with the situation. Tonight’s episode of House dealt with the death of a patient who was suffering from a chronic debilitating physical condition before finally dying of a parasite. The final scene when he actually dies he asks the doctors to put his service dog up with him on the bed and place his hand on the dogs head. Then through his last raspy breaths he said goodbye. For the doctors in the room it was their (presumably) first code and they were visibly shaken (yes, I realize they are just playing the part). The whole scene was so sterile and sad and final.

Now, as a Christian I obviously believe that when I die, I will go to Heaven. That said, my heart aches at the sight of reminders of the brokenness of the human condition. Death was never God’s intention and I think he is just as pained by human suffering as we are, more so even! Death and sin and brokenness are reminders of how we screwed things up, screwed up His Perfect Creation. The existence of pain and suffering in the world is very frustrating to me. I want to fix it, I want to find the cause and be rid of it and the fact we cannot cure the ailment tears me apart sometimes. In the grand scheme of things it would be very easy for me to sell all my possessions and give the money to the Red Cross or World Concern and then feel all warm and fuzzy about the good that I did. That is too easy, too small. God doesn’t want my stuff, it’s already his. He wants me and I want Him to have me! I want my photography and computer skills and interest in world affairs and love of people to open doors that people might see the light of His love in my life! I pray that my joy in Him would be overflowing and infectious to those around me so that when people ask me for the reason for the hope I have I can show them the wonderful Majesty that is our God! And if wanting God to be evident in my every action means that I get teary eyed when I see an emotional movie, who knows, maybe that will open up a door someday. Now, pass the tissues. . .

Filed under: life by Jonathan Assink